Late Night Erraticism

Today, I walked to work instead of taking the bus one stop away, like I usually do. It was a beautiful day, and for your information, usually the one stop away is uphill, rainy, and cold. Today, it was a warm and sunny day, and so I walked. I was very proud of myself for most of the day.

I have also gone to the gym twice in the past four days. I must say, I am on a roll. I will work hard to keep this up.

I’m in one of those moods, an oddly lonely and sentimental mood. Not homesick. I miss my parents and my friends, but Taiwan really does begin to feel like home, as much as that scares me. I’m beginning to have moments here that seem rather comforting, but I don’t know if that’s because those moments remind me of America and I feel like I am no longer in Taiwan or because Taiwan is starting to feel like America used to be for me.

I went hunting through my old archives of the blog that I kept through all of high school and most of college to find something profound. I’m in one of those moods. I’m not quite sure what I was looking for. But I found this, and in this moment, it comforts me.

tina is my carmello bar. mmmm carmello. its the great combo of chocolate and caramel. not at all like a caramel kiss, a carmello is my comfort chocolate bar. i get one and because it makes me feel better. it coats the inside my mouth with a perfect mix of chocolate and caramel… i know that when i have one, i WILL feel better afterwards. and as you break one of the four pieces off the bar itself, those little trails of caramel hanging between the break in chocolate are unique. they just seem misunderstood, but nonetheless well-meaning. and i like them. i’ll always stick up for those little hanging streaks of caramel because they are one-of-a-kind, and in this world, its always refreshing to see something so unabashedly unashamed of being what it is.

– written by Chris, August 2005

I miss reading writing like that. I miss friends who unabashedly stand by your side at all hours of the night. I miss having deep profound conversations entwined with self realizations with people I’ve known for years in a language that I do not stumble and trip over. Most of all, I miss feeling the love of those with whom I can really be myself. I miss the love that is not taken for granted, but freely given and expressed in a simple text, a genuine “how are you?”, a quick voicemail, in comforting words, an uplifting smile, or a hug.

Asian people don’t hug. It’s a cultural thing. And that’s another thing I think I miss the most. A real face-lighting-up-SO-glad-to-see-you bear hug.

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